I wanna be unapologetically black

Asha Abdullahi

Today and everyday

I wanna be unapologetically black

I no longer want trauma to follow

(the) melanin

And my trauma?

It’s suppressed

and a little repressed,

non-existent as I try to power through.

Remember I'm not alone in this pain

hashtag #blacklivesmatter we say

I don’t owe you stories of my trauma,

a poor attempt to humanize myself

in your eyes

I will not share my mother’s pain,

my brother’s struggles,

my misery,

simply for your acceptance,

for your understanding.

I refuse.

so my trauma?

it’s suppressed

and a little repressed,

non-existent

as I go on and try not to victimize myself, as you so often love to say.

But how could I not when I see the ground is full of black bodies,

I think you've mistaken us for fertilizer.

We try to be just as good enough

and even more

I fail to understand it’s impossible,

that the system was designed for not only white men but also white women,

white women who use their power,

knowing damn well the power they hold over a black man

today I’m unapologetically black

and I wonder if thats enough,

or if that's too much

Dont misunderstand me when I say you're all racist,

cause racism is a spectrum.

we're all full of prejudice

Call it racism, name the virus.

How else are we gonna vaccinate?

Intentionally or internalized,

only thing that really matters is what you do about it;

Do you fight it?

Or do you hide behind white guilt,

cower and expect us to educate you,

forgive you,

guide you through the guidelines of being a good enough (white) person?

Maybe there’s a reason why you were afraid we'd get the pen,

now tables turned,

now we the educators.

And you're damn right it's a revolution,

tear the whole system down,

rip it shred by shred,

show them the hurt,

the blood, sweat and tears,

every single cell of melanin used to

Build entire nations

I get it now, what you fear;

are you so afraid

of becoming a minority?

I wonder why that is.

Is it the slavery, the killing, the lynching,

the fraud, the missing justice, the unwarranted jailings, the character defamations, the race

assassinations, historical slander maybe?

Cause I know its not the melanin;

Why else would you sunbathe for so long,

desperate attempt to be black and

appropriating the culture,

until it’s no longer trendy

are we supposed to settle for always being less?

is that our destiny?

i almost start to wonder if segregation on our terms is the best for us

hands up,

still shoot us down.

camera up,

now vandalize, hold us down, show our «true» colors.

and it’s right there;

black on white,

white on black crime, cant you tell?

macroaggression hidden in microaggression:

oi, du snakker så bra norsk!

neimen, hvor er det du egentlig kommer fra?

hva om du bare går tilbake dit du kommer fra?

muslimjævel.

neger.

Ah, hvorfor må dere alltid bruke det derre rasismekortet?

Hvorfor er dere så jævla krenka??

Er vi altfor krenka?

Er vi good i lille Norge?

Kall meg melaninrik,

men spør meg hva annet jeg er rik på enn smerte,

enn tålmodighet og toleranse,

enn hverdagsrasisme.

fortell meg om hvordan du hadde «stått opp for oss».

overbevis meg om alt ikke er teoretisk,

for mens du snakker sier du konstant «oss og dem», og aldri noe vi.

okei, så fortell meg;

er vi good i lille Norge?